Well with that in mind. I'm talking to this guy, his name is Lew, and we're discussing different options the future has for us. In the process says to me, "You will be getting your degree finished first". Now, I should be happy that he is standing beside me on this but I had already mentioned to him that I wasn't sure if I would finish. It is not easy to take classes full time and work two jobs, it is burning me out. However I know I really should be grateful that he's not like my ex-husband telling me, "Over his dead body I'd be going to school".
This ends up being a problem in some of my relationships, the fact that I don't need a man. I haven't had a real one so far and have gotten around very well, thank you very much. But, I want a man. I want a partner that I can share everything with and I would like to be able to depend on a him. I don't need him to do things for me but I would like him to want to do it and enjoy doing it. I love taking care of a man and when he appreciates it, it's awesome and I then want to do more.
I feel like I've lived four different lives so far. One was with a dad that was happier being at work then at home and my mother being disconnected . Another with my mother still disconnected but now working and me having my step dad that seamed more like a parent then I'd ever had before (who died 20 year ago). Still another with a husband that was a deadbeat and my three wonderful kids. And now, single for almost 5 years and no one telling me how it should be done. So that's the problem...I want a partner for life. I want his input and I want to input as well. But I'm used to doing it on my own. Now, how do I get from here to there? This is me...a work in progress.
5 comments:
Teri, the thing about us humans, Men and Women alike, is that when it comes down to brass tacks, none of us NEED anyone. But, there's this thing about NEED and WANT. NEED takes care of itself, somehow, so that's a given. WANT, now, on the otherhand takes a bit of work. You have to decide WHAT it is you WANT, what you are willing to accept when WHAT you have have available to you in the WANT category isn't as perfect as you'd LIKE, and then figuring out a WAY to get WHAT you WANT.
When I stopped being so damn desperate about what I thought I NEEDED, NEED took care of itself and here I am with about as close to WHAT I thought I WANTED as a sane person could expect. All told, the thought that this imperfect person I married loves little old imperfect me makes it all PERFECT.
Michael: Very well said. I just need to let go of what I think I need...or what I thing I what. I'll get there. Lew's been very patient with me and that's another thing that I'm not used to. But I like it.
Ditto the michael.
And I would add that being independent is not necessarily the opposite of being dependable. Nor does depending upon some equal being dependent.
Kahil Gibran said it best:
"But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
tim: Oh my, tim that is awesome. Just beautiful. Thanks
Teri, trust me darlin', I so hear you talking.
I disagree with Michael to the extent that I believe there are things we need. There are things we need so very much and sometimes we seemed destined to remain needy.
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